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Subject: The Manly Games - Event3 Edit Message
Posted By: Booker (205.229.142.218)
Date: Friday October 01 [04:42:06 PM]

The MaximaMafia is one win away from the return to freedom of their fearless leader : Andi. Leading the best-of-five event, Manly Games, by a 2-0 margin – the MaximaMafia has been feeling very confident. Though you could never tell to look at them. The MaximaMafia learned a tough lesson, at the hands of Eben, the last time they started celebrating prematurely. That blunder cost them a member (ST), and they are determined not the commit the same mistake again.

The Jambytes, on the other hand, are a bit shaken. Down 0-2, they realize all too well that they’ll need to sweep the remaining three events to win The Manly Games. And thus far, they have been thoroughly out-foxed by the MaximaMafia. They are determined not to be caught off guard again.

Today’s event does mark the third, and possibly final event in The Manly Games. The combatants are gathered on the breezy shores of Lake Michigan near downtown Chicago for The Tight Rope Relay. Fuming over being done in by not only the MaximaMafia, but also by the past two “Guest Officials”, the Jambytes have insisted that two neutral members of the BBS referee today’s event. The MaximaMafia agreed, so Wizeguy and Remington have signed on to supervise the event. Both have been receiving threatening mail and emails all week over their roles in the event.

The event is taking place on a large grassy field, just across Lake Shore Drive near Lincoln Park. Wizeguy and Remington arrived early and got everything set up. Remington got the course put together, while Wizeguy volunteered to run to a local liquor store and get the booze and shot glasses.

Remington has driven twelve stakes into the ground, in pairs separated by about 15 feet. Each pair of stakes are connected by a rope. The rope is about 10 inches off the ground. Fulfilling his duties, Wizeguy has placed a 500ml bottle of Jack Daniels and an oversized shot glass on the ground next to each of the stakes. The two groups are standing around glaring at each other, waiting for things to kick off.

Wizeguy: “All right fellas, c’mon over here so we can get started.”

Remington joins him as the two camps move closer. The tension in the air is thick as the MaximaMafia gawks at Eben. Despite a constant barrage, the Jambyte has yet to cave in and reveal the whereabouts of ST.

Wizguy: “Ok, we all know why we’re here today – so listen up. This is the way its going to go down. Let’s go over the rules and Remington and I will demonstrate.”

The two walk over to the end pair of stakes, Wizeguy helps Remington up onto the rope, Remington balances himself by placing his hand on Wizeguy’s shoulder. As soon as he’s stable, Wizeguy goes to the opposite stake.

Wizeguy: “Now, one guy starts on one end, one guy on the other. The first guy has to walk the distance of the tight rope – without falling off – and tags his partner on the other side.”

To balance himself, Remington puts his arms out in a “T” and takes off walking the tight rope.

Wizeguy: “As soon as the other guy is tagged, he has to take a shot of the JD, get on the rope and walk to the other end. Again without falling.”

Remington reaches him and the two slap hands. Wizeguy reaches down, grabs the bottle, pours a snort and guzzles it. Remington hops off of the rope & helps Wizeguy up, he steadies himself and takes off towards the other stake.

Remington: “Once you’ve touch hands, the second guy has to get on the rope, go down to the other end, turn around and come back. You then touch hands, the first guy does his shot, gets on and the cycle repeats.”

Wizeguy has made it to the other end, he slowly negotiates a 180 degree turn and heads back, nearly falling half way but catching himself just in time. He and Remington do a high-five, Remington guzzles a shot, gets on the rope and takes off.

Wizeguy: “If one guy falls off, the other can continue but he then has to take both guys’ shots.” We clear so far?”

The group nods its understanding. Wizeguy is just about to continue when Jeff92SE breaks in.

Jeff92SE (motioning towards BryanH): “I don’t think chowderhead over there understands.”
BryanH (motioning towards Froman): “Just shut yer trap before you end up looking like your buddy there.”
Froman is somewhat of a sight. Having just recovered from the head wounds inflicted by Andi’s wife, he’s right back in a head bandage as a result of being beaned on the noggin by a metal tricycle.

Remington: “Enough! Now, there’s six ropes so each side gets three teams of two. You are out of the competition when both guys have fallen off. Now, who’s gonna go?”

Chad speaks up for the Mafia: “Our teams will be Shing - MaximaLuva, JasonF – Chebosto, and Biomax – Chad.”

JJW95SC immediately jumps in: “WHAT?!!! Oh no you don’t, what are you trying to do, bring in a ringer?? Chebosto isn’t even with your team!!!”

Chad: “Just calm down, numb-nuts. We asked Chebosto if he’d like to join in place of ST? (glaring at Eben) Unless you’d like to return him now – we need someone in his place! (Eben just laughs) We asked Remington if we could have a stand in and he said yes.”

JJW95SC (suspiciously): “Oh, so you asked Remington, did you?”
Remington: “Yeh, you got a problem with that?”
Russ: “Didn’t you used to be called Don or something?”
Remington: “NEVER MIND THAT! Now let’s get to it. Who you gonna have go?”

JJS95SC: “We’ll have Bill99GXE and I, Eben. Ahh,…Russ and Eben. And Jambo with JerryT.”

Woodear immediately jumps in: “WHAT!?? JerryT’s not one of you guys!”
Jambo: “Well he is today! You guys get the idiot Chebost-ie, Shannon, Chevrolet, Chicken $h*T, how ever you pronounce it – we get JerryT.”
Chebosto: “Watch it!”
The six foot five, two hundred and ninety pound JerryT just glares at him.

Woodear: “Say’s who?”
Jambo: “Says Wizeguy!”
All eyes turn to Wizeguy, he’s caught on the spot.
Wizeguy: “Yeh, Don,…er..ah..I mean – Remington informed me that he was allowing Chebosto to sub on your team, so I decided that it was ok for JerryT to go for them.”
Remington (to Wizeguy): “Well it would’ve been nice if you’d informed me!”
Wizeguy: “What am I,…your wife now?”
Remington: “Don’t get smart with me, you grunge wear’n, Seattle….”
Wizeguy: “Who you call’n…..”

(The two realize that their argument is being observed by everyone and quickly abort. Its apparent to all however, that they clearly are not on the same page.)

Biomax (trying to revive the argument): “So why’d you get that lame-brain?”
JerryT gives him the same look he just shot at Chebosto.
FroMan: “Because I can’t go.”
(FroMan is pointing at his bandaged head. He was originally going to participate in today’s event, but since getting hit by the tricycle in the man-hole he’s been battling dizzy spells and couldn’t possibly walk a tight rope.)
Shing (whispers in Biomax’s ear): “Just shut up and let ‘em be. JerryT doesn’t drink, he’ll be on the ground in no time flat. Besides, Woodear and MaximaMike have got it all worked out.” (winks)
Biomax nods: “Ok, he’s in.”

Wizeguy: “Good, are we ready to do this then? Let’s go. Assume your positions.”

The guys pair off and each take their stances on either end of their tight ropes. Wizeguy and Remington set up so that each can watch three ropes. On the way past each other, Remington lowers his shoulder and plows it into Wizeguys chest. Wizeguy retaliates with a shove.
The groups are now ready to proceed. Rope number one has Eben & Jambo. Next to them are JasonF & Chebosto. Number three features Bill99GXE and JJW95SC, flanked by Biomax-JasonF. The final two ropes are manned by Shing-MaximaLuva and Jambo with JerryT.

The rest of the guys in each faction are watching intently, bound to eliminate any foul play. MaximaMike, (sitting this one out because he is not of legal drinking age in the state of Illinois) keeps looking over at the lake front, which is some 100 yards away, scanning the horizon. EricL has noticed this & has even caught Remington doing the same thing. He’s already smelling a rat.

Wizeguy prepares to start the event.
Wizeguy: “GET READY..”
Remington cuts him off.
Remington: “HEY! What are you doing?!”
Wizeguy: “I’m starting the race.”
Remington: “No, I’M starting the race!”
Wizeguy: “Oh no you’re not!”
Remington: “Oh yes I am.”
Wizeguy: “Oh for crying out loud!”
Woodear: “Somebody just say go!!”
Wizeguy: “GO!” (sticks his tongue out at Remington)

Bill99GXE, Shing, Eben, JasonF, Jambo and Chad all successfully negotiate the initial crossing. They tag their partners, who immediately grab their respective bottles of JD, pour a shot and knock it back. All six are now getting onto their ropes.

JJW95SC bolts to the end of his rope without trouble. MaximaLuva, Russ and Chebosto likewise have no problems. JerryT is walking the rope like a pro as well. His rope is sagging a bit more than the rest of the group as it is having to bear the strain of his additional heft. As he reaches the mid way point on the rope, it suddenly snaps! The unexpecting JerryT topples to the ground. The rope snaps with such force that the two severed pieces recoil into the air with tremendous force. One end retracts and smacks his partner Jambo in the mouth – splitting his upper lip wide open. The other end of the rope recoils around the stake in a circular motion. As it completes its first orbit around the stake, it catches the equally unsuspecting MaximaLuva in the back of the head with a *whack*.

MaximaLuva: “OOWWW!!”

MaximaLuva had been concentrating on his tight rope walk so hard, that he hadn’t even noticed JerryT’s rope break. Well he’s noticed now as the force of the snapped rope has knocked him completely off of his rope.

JerryT and Jambo (bleeding profusely from his mouth) are now out of the running, as is MaximaLuva. Leaving Shing to carry on alone. Shing knocks back a shot of the JD & hits the rope.

EricL has been watching the proceedings with The TanMan, who has been his sight seeing guide since he arrived in The Windy City. Hanging around since early this morning, he knows that Remington was responsible for setting up the tight ropes & is wondering how big a coincidence it is that JerryT & Jambo’s rope broke. At the moment it snapped, he could swear that he saw Remington glance at Woodear and crack a smile.

The teams have now completed about four laps each, and aside from a few near misses, all are still intact and traversing the rope without difficulty. All except Shing. While the other guys have done four shots each, the Shingster has done eight due to his partner being out of the competition. The five foot seven, one hundred and fifty pound Shing is definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol and is just barely making it across the rope.

Back on the other end, unnoticed by most, MaximaMike’s reason for scanning the lake shore has become apparent. A speed boat has slowly crept into view and is now directly behind the events participants. MaximaMike gives a brief waive to the boat. His waive is returned by the two men on board. Moving slowly, so as to reduce engine noise, the boat is a mere fifty feet from shore. His brother, Killermove, is behind the wheel of the 18 foot Bayliner with Loren97SC riding shot gun. Killermove cuts the engine just as Loren97SC bends down and briefly disappears from view.

A moment later Loren97SC reappears with a rifle in his hand. Its actually a pellet gun that Killermove and MaximaMike use for hunting squirrels in the woods near their house. Loren97SC stalks to the bow of the boat, lifts the gun and carefully aims it towards the tight rope walkers.

Back on land, the battle continues. Twelve laps in and Shing is plastered. He’s still hanging in, but just barely. Sensing its time to make a move, The TanMan reaches into his pocket and pulls something out.

The TanMan: “Hey Shing – HERE!”

With that he tosses it at Shing. It’s a gerbil. Acting out of impulse, Shing catches the flying fur ball in his hands. He looks down in his JD induced stupor and sees what he perceives to be a giant sewer rat, preparing to bite his hand off at the wrist. Shing lets out a shriek, drops the gerbil and takes off running. He’s out. TanMan and EricL are high fiving and laughing so hard, they don’t see what happens next.

Three of the remaining four teams are slowing down. All but Bill99GXE and JJW95SC are showing ill effects from the booze. Loren97SC has had the pellet gun trained on the group for 2 or 3 minutes as he has been waiting for the boat to stop bobbing. It has now settled down and is floating, dead calm. MaximaMike catches Remington’s eye and gives him a quick sideways nod. Remington glances over his shoulder and realizes that he’s directly in Loren97SC’s line of fire. He calmly steps to one side.

JasonF and Chebosto are just barely making it. Chebosto has made it to the end of his lap and it attempting the turn around, he briefly looses his balance and has to place one foot on the ground to keep from falling. He quickly replaces the foot on the rope.

Jeff92SE: “Hey, I saw that!”
Wizeguy: “So did I, you’re out.”

Chebosto reluctantly secedes from the contest, leaving JasonF to carry on alone – which he could ordinarily do, but, being the frat boy party dog that he is – JasonF has never been one to pass up on free booze. His motto has always been, “If someone else is paying for it – gimme more”. And true to his moto, JasonF has been sucking down the JD like prohibition starts tomorrow. While the other contestants have been doing one shot per lap, JasonF has been doing one shot per lap – and three in-between. He’s completely blitzed, and now must do Chebosto’s shots as well. He manages to survive another two laps, but missteps and ends up on his face. He’s out.

A small puff of smoke comes from the pellet gun that Loern97SC has been training on the group, followed a fraction of a second later by a *pop*. Suddenly, Eben leaps into the air.

Eben: “OOOOOUCH!!!!”

Eben falls off the rope and is rolling around on the ground, holding his buttocks, in serious pain. Russ mounts the rope and is asking Eben what happened. Russ is assuming that he has ruptured his achilles tendon (a*hem) or something. Then, *pop*, the sound is heard again.

Russ: “OOOOOOWWWW!! DAMN!!!!”

Russ ends up on the ground right next to Eben, holding and rubbing the upper portion of his left hamstring.

Remington: “You’re both out!”

MaximaMike and the rest of the Mafia are HOWLING with laughter. Remington is clearly fighting to resist smiling. Suddenly, FroMan spies the boat. He can clearly see Killermove rolling around behind the steering wheel, dying with laughter and Loren holding a gun, doing his best to stay still as he trains the scope on Bill99GXE next.

FroMan: “HEY! You sons-a-b#%$’s!!”

Like shot from a cannon, FroMan takes off sprinting towards the boat. He covers the 100 yards to the shore in about 5 seconds(!), reaches the edge of the water and dives in head first. Looking like the bionic man, FroMan is now swimming directly toward the Bayliner. Fully clothed and still wearing his cap and shoes, FroMan is closing fast. Killermove, sensing that its time to split, fires up the Bayliner’s V-6 and floors it. FroMan continues the pursuit.

There are now two teams left : Bill99GXE – JJW95SC and Biomax – Chad. While Bill99GXE and JJW95SC are suprisingly fresh, Chad and Biomax clearly don’t have much left. All four men have now downed 13 shots each. Bill99GXE has just completed his lap without so much as a slip. He tags JJW95SC, who picks up the 2/3’s empty bottle and does his thing. Remington comments.
Remington: “I’ve NEVER seen two guys drink so much and be completely unfazed by it. You guys are amazing.”

Biomax is attempting to complete a lap and is teetering, mid-span. EricL starts to taunt the failing Biomax.

EricL: “Oooo, I guess all those cool pictures or you and FORMER president Bush aren’t much good now – huh?”

Biomax turns to look at EricL, but he moves too quickly. The turning motion sets his head to spinning, and he feels as if he’s about ready to pass out. With only a few feet to go, he blindly launches himself towards the stake. He misses the mark, comes tumbling off the rope and smashes directly into Chad. The two collide skulls and both hit the ground. Wizeguy starts a ten count:

Wizeguy: “One…two…three…four…five…six…seven...eight,…nine…and….TEN!

Wizeguy goes over and triumphantly raises the hands of Bill99GXE and JJW95SC : “THE WINNERS!”

JJW95SC (to Remington): “And don’t think we didn’t notice your little games!”
Remington: “What?”
EricL: “Yeh, your day is coming – real soon!”

With that, the victorious Jambyte crew collects itself and starts packing it in. Strangely enough, like Don King following whoever just won a fight, Wizeguy has joined them. TanMan has comes around the corner in a large charter bus, and they all pile in. Wizeguy is the last one to board the bus, he turns around and shouts back at the MaximaMafia.
Wizeguy: “Seeya around – suckers! Have a good night!”

The MaximaMafia is dejected. JasonF has come to and is determined to keep the party going.

JasonF: “Screw those guys, as long as we’re all here – lets have a good time. I know, let’s drown some sorrows!”

JasonF grabs the nearest bottle of Jack Daniels – the one belonging the JJW95SC and Bill99GXE. He unscrews the cap, flips the bottle up and chugs it. He gets a disgusted look on his face and spits out the liquid. JasonF is now eyeballing the bottle.

JasonF: “HEY!! This is iced tea!!”
Woodear (in Remington’s direction): “What?!? Who was responsible for getting this stuff?”

** ** ** **

At the end of three events:

MaximaMafia – 2
Jambytes – 1


** ** ** **

Next event:

Target Acquisition SkyDiving


Signed by - theBooker, Master of the dramatic; creator/author/editor-in-cheif of the hit series, "As the BBS Turns". Shing's homie. Maximamike's nemisis. A loving husband. A dedicated father. Worshipped by men, adored by women. Sculpted biceps. An educated midwesterner, moved to Cali in 1989. Determined to run Eben off of the net for good. Secretly favoring the Jambytes. Often seen driving a 96 Pebble Beige 5-spd SE.


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