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Subject: Its time for...."THE RETURN OF ANDI" Edit Message
Posted By: AStBBST - as OT as they come! (mg131-052.ricochet.net)
Date: Friday January 21 [12:16:53 PM]

It has been a long and hard fought battle. But after nearly six months and five grueling events, the MaximaMafia did it. Thanks to some outside help from former U.S. President George Bush, they won The Manly Games by the narrowest of margins and have finally secured the release to freedom of their fearless leader – Andi. Yes, it was sometime last summer that Andi was kidnapped by the Jambytes just outside of the law offices of Thomas Wallace, and though it took some time and some doing –the Mafia managed to get the job done.

After the conclusion of The Harlem Scavenger Hunt, the two parties agreed to make the same park where Biomax won Event #5 the drop point for the return of Andi. An unsteady agreement to meet at twelve noon has been reached. Its now eleven forty five in the morning, a mere fifteen minutes before go time, and all of the members of the MaximaMafia are already on the scene. As a show of solidarity and support for Andi, the members of the MaximaMafia have worked all week buffing, shining, Zaino’ing, cleaning and polishing their Maximas. They’re driven into New York from all around the country (all except MaximaMike, for obvious reasons).

The entire crew arrived yesterday, checked into the same hotel and went out for a nice meal last night. They were all up bright and early this morning, cleaning and polishing for the big day.

Now, just moments before Andi is to be released into freedom, all of the cars are parked side-by-side in the small parking lot – in sort of a 21-Maxima salute to Andi. The members of the MaxMafia are milling around admiring the impressive collection of gleaming hardware. It’s a sight to be sure. Ranging from Nismos87SE, 1987 Max right up to Y2K Maxima’s, the assortment of cars is amazing. GLE’s, SE’s, GXE’s. Fully loaded, stripped bare. Modded to the max. Bone stock. The cars are as different and diverse as their owners. But all have one thing in common….they’re all looking mighty fine. Paint is glimmering, tires are blackened, chrome exhaust tips are glistening in the mid day sun.

Several MaxMafia members are pointing and clicking digital cameras like mad men. They’re climbing trees and poles in an effort to get a better shot. Passersby can’t help but to notice the collection of Nissans, and several have stopped to admire the cars and make inquiries of the owners.

Passerby: “Say, this is really something! What are you guys doing with all of these Nissans?”
Woodear: “Eh, we’re sort of in a club.”
Passerby: “Wow. They sure look nice, except….what’s with that one ugly red Saturn on the end?”
JustinMc: “Ahhhh…kind of the ‘black sheep’ of the family…if you catch my drift.” (JustinMc nods his head in BrianW’s direction)
Passerby: “Oh, I get ya. Yeh, we have one of those in our family too.”

The three share a chuckle as BrianW scurries around with his digital camera. He’s been working hard to get everyone working together to get the cars perfectly lined up for a massive photograph. His labors have paid off, the cars are now parked door next to door in a nearly perfect line. Having gotten the cars all lined up, BrianW is now working on the drivers.

BrianW: “OK, c’mon now guys, let’s do this! Do you want this picture or not? They’ll be here with Andi any minute. C’mon!!”

BrianW is trying desperately get everyone to stand next to their car so he can get a group photo of the entire MaximaMafia – members and cars. He’s gotten most to comply, but there’s still a few stragglers.

BrianW, of course, was somewhat of a ‘secret weapon’ for the MaxMafia. Having just been revealed to be a member of the MaximaMafia at the end of Event #5, BrianW has played a pivotal role in the groups overall victory. The Mafia is proud of the cohesiveness that they displayed in keeping his identity shrouded in secrecy for as long as they did. Not until the end of the final event did the Jambytes realize that it was BrianW who sabotaged The Diner – resulting in Wizeguy ending up upside down in a toilet. It was BrianW who was driving Remington’s get away car at Event #4. And it was he that foiled Frans96SE just feet from the finish line at Event #5.

Well now, BrianW is a marked man – and he knows it. But that’s a thought for another day, right now, he just wants to get this darn picture. He has everyone in position, except of the newest recruit of the MaximaMafia – Matt93GXE. Matt93GXE is busy putting the moves on some babes over near the water fountain, like he’s Eben or something, and can’t be budged.

BrianW: “MATT!! Will you get your carcass over here?!!”

Matt93GXE ignores him and continues with his pick up lines. Its been a few years and he’s a little rusty, but confident never the less.

Matt93GXE: “Baby, I’m thinking about a nice warm fire, a bottle of bubbly, and you giving me a tongue bath – just like a lioness does her cubs.”

At that, the girl hauls off and smacks Matt93GXE right across the chops. She knocks him back off of the bench that he’s sitting on and storms away. Since BrianW was yelling at him, Matt93GXE was the center of the Mafia’s attention…they ALL saw it. Matt93GXE is sitting there on the cold hard ground, having just been flattened by a girl. The entire MaxMafia explodes into laughter! Matt93GXE tries to play it off: He shouts after the striding away girl:

Matt93GXE: “Yeh, well…just don’t come crawling back to me when you need someone!”

It isn’t working. The Mafia members are ROLLING with laughter. Chebosto decides to further the issue.

Chebosto: “Hey man, just let it go…she’s too big for you anyway.”
Remington: “Yeh, say we’d better get you some ice for that lip.”

Matt93GXE (finally following BrianW’s request and walking toward his car): “Ha-ha. You guys are real funny. At least I’m out here making some effort – neither of you chumps have had a date in three years, and everybody knows it.”

Matt93GXE’s attempt at redemption is falling on deaf ears. The Mafia is whooping it up big time! He walks back to his car amidst the taunts and howls of his peers. Punched in the mouth by a babe right in front of half the BBS. Oh the humanity. With everyone laughing it up, BrianW realizes what a perfect Kodak moment is before him and starts snapping away. He gets a perfect exposure. Right in front of him, in a perfect line, smiling like they’d just won $20 million dollars are:

Chad, Shing, Biomax, MaximaLuva, Remington, MaximaMike (no car), Chebosto, Woodear, BryanH, JustinMc, SchoLar, Keven, Nismo's87SE, BrianW’s Saturn, JasonF, SkyMax, Matt93GXE, and lastly, Killermove.

BrianW clicks off the image just as one of those large tour buses rounds the corner down the street and begins making its way toward the park.

Keven: “Take a look at that. A TOUR bus?”
SkyMax: “That has to be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen! Who in the world takes a tour of Harlem?!”

The group is standing there, staring in awed wonderment as the bus makes its way down the street. At the entrance to the park, the massive machine turns in and lumbers into the parking lot. Through tinted windows, the MaximaMafia can see that the bus is loaded with passengers.

MaximaLuva: “What the…?..”

The bus careens around the semi-circle driveway and comes to a halt on the other side of the parking lot, about fifty feet from the MaxMafia members, its air brakes make a loud hissing sound as it grinds to a stop.

Silence has fallen over the MaximaMafia. They are all just standing there eyeballing this big, out of place looking tour bus. Suddenly, the bus’s door swings open and a figure appears in the doorway.

Jambo: “Did someone order a well done Baritchi?”
Shing: “Why you miserable… Where’s Andi? Get out here now!”
Jambo: “Anything you say, sir.”

With that, the Jambytes begin piling out of the bus. They hope out one by one into the parking lot. First Jambo, followed by Bill99GXE, Gr8bone, the much-embattled Froman, EricL, Kaleb, Tanman, JerryT, Kevin, JJW95SC, Craig B, Eben, JimW, Wizeguy, Russ2Kmax, Hantra, Juggernaut (or whatever he’s calling himself these days), and FrAns-96SE.

In between JimW and Wizeguy is another person. This figure has his hands tied together behind his back, and a cloth sack over his head so that he can’t see. Wizeguy is shoving him along as they move away from the bus and toward the MaximaMafia. Its clear that the hooded figure must be Andi. The MaximaMafia has moved away from the cars and assembled at one end of the parking lot - are holding their ground, making the Jambytes come to them.

The MaximaMafia are clearly in the catbird’s seat here, and they know it. After all, they won The Manly Games, and to the victor go the spoils. So they’re all just standing there. Forcing the Jambytes to make the trek over to where they are.

Slowly, the Jambytes make their way over and a brief dialog ensues.

Biomax (still crowing over his victory): “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Losers, Inc. I’m surprised that you pathetic wannabes showed up.”
EricL: “Just watch your mouth, BioBlunder…before I…”

Killermove: “Knock it off! Let’s not start this crap now. We’ve already beaten you punks fair and square. Now a deal’s a deal. Hand him over.”

Realizing that he’s right, Eben and Jambo nod to Wizeguy. The Wizeguy responds by shoving Andi in the back and pushing him into the divide between the two groups. Russ2kMax steps forward and unties his hands, reaches up and yanks the sack off of his head.

There he stands.

Blinking in the bright noon day sun, Andi is straining to see his first sight of daylight in nearly half of a year. He blinks and shakes his head to clear the cob webs. Slowly he’s able to focus his eyes, and he sees Biomax, Shing and the rest of the MaximaMafia standing there. He smiles.

Andi: “Hey.”

The MaximaMafia breaks out into jubilation! They rush Andi and start patting him on the back and high-fiving him. Its pandemonium in the park! All the dejected Jambytes can do is silently look on. Heads drooped down.

A million questions are coming from the MaximaMafia toward Andi:
“How’d they treat you?”
“You feel ok?”
“You look thin, they been giving you enough to eat?”

Andi does his best to answer the questions as several members hug him and shake his hand. The Mafia is hysterical. The irony of the situation is not lost on Chad, who was with Andi the last time he was seen. Chad was with Andi on the window washer’s scaffold when they launched the attack on Thomas Wallace – which was in this very same New York City. How fitting that after games in Fort Worth, TX, Southern California, Kentucky, the Chicago lake shore and escapades in various other parts of the country, that they’d get Andi back right here in New York.

The Jambytes have slowly sulked back to their chartered bus and begun getting back on. The long, dejected faces are not going unnoticed by the MaximaMafia. Several members of the Mafia take the opportunity to rub a little more salt into the wound & start shouting taunts.

SkyMax: “That’s right you pathetic losers, just take your sorry selves back onto that bus and get the hell outta here! Seeya!”

JasonF: “You chumps should’ve known better than to mess with the MaximaMafia in the first place. How’s it feel to have to leave with your tail between your legs?! Suckers!”

The Jambytes don’t even bother to retort. They’ve been out foxed by the MaxMafia and they know it. One by one they board the bus, until the entire crew is back on.

Meanwhile the celebration over the return of Andi rages on in the Mafia camp.

Woodear: “Say, let’s go somewhere and grab some lunch, in honor of the return of Andi – I’m buying!”

The group agrees that this is a capital idea and begins breaking up and heading toward the cars on the other side of the parking lot. Suddenly Andi freezes in his tracks and gets a strained look on his face, as if trying to remember some forgotten detail.

Remington: “Yo Andi, what is it man?”
Andi: “I just remembered, my hip pack with my wallet, drivers license and all my stuff is on that bus (pointing at the Jambytes’ chartered Trailways bus). I’d better go get it.”
MaximaMike: “Alright, we’ll wait here man. Hurry up.”

With that, Andi takes off and bounds across the lot toward the bus. The Trailways motor coach is idling away, and although all of the Jambytes are on board, the door is strangely still open. This fact is not lost on the MaximaMafia.

Shing: “Say, look at that. Why do you suppose those knuckleheads left the door open?”
JustinMc: “Beats me.”

The Mafia is about fifty feet from the side of the bus, and roughly twice that distance from their cars. A very difficult position to defend, they are solidly in no-man’s land and know it. The MaximaMafia is smelling a rat. The entire group has gathered in one corner of the parking lot and are standing in a tight circle, looking at the darkly tinted windows of the bus and watching the bus intently. If there’s going to be a rumble, they don’t plan on being taken by surprise.

Andi has now reached the bus and disappears into its interior. A moment later he reappears, standing on the steps just inside the door. He’s got his hip pack in one hand and holds it up. The gesture give the MaximaMafia a sense of relief. Andi however, does not hop down off the bus. Instead, he holds up his other hand. He’s grasping what appears to be some sort of small electronic device. Its not much larger than a pager and the Mafia members can’t quite make it out.

Keven: “Why doesn’t he get out of there and come on?”
BryanH: “I don’t know. And what’s that little thing he’s holding in his hand? A remote control or something?”
MaximaLuva: “I can’t quite tell. What in the world IS that thing?”

As the MaximaMafia is busy trying to get a grip on what’s happening, several members of the Jambytes appear in the doorway behind Andi. The rest can be seen crowding into the front of the bus, peering out the massive windshield at the MaximaMafia’s cars.

Woodear (glancing over his shoulder at the line of Maxima’s, trying to figure out what the Jambytes are all looking at): “What in the #$%* are they DOING? Why are they looking at the Maximas?”
Biomax: “I don’t know. The cars are just sitting there. These guys have seen plenty of Maximas before – why are they so interested in ours all of a sudden?”

Indeed, the Jambytes are jostling one another for position inside the bus, trying to secure an unobstructed view of the row of cars belonging to the MaximaMafia.

From his perch in the bus’s doorway, Andi can see the grumbling and confusion sweeping across the MaximaMafia. He decides to clear things up.

Andi holds up the small electronic device so that the MaxMafia can see it more clearly. It is a remote control of some sort. The small black box just fits into the palm of his hand. It has a single red button in the middle. Andi reaches up with his other hand and extends a small silver antenna from the top of the little box, he then gets a maniacal grin on his face.

What happens next is unbelievable.


The MaximaMafia is frozen – they have no idea what’s happening or what is about to take place. Holding the little black remote control box up for all of the MaximaMafia to see Andi drops his hip pack, slowly and deliberately raises his other hand. Once his hand is parallel to the hand holding the remote control, he slowly extends his index finger and points it at the red button in the center of the electronic device.

Behind him, the Jambytes are going nuts. They can be seen yelling and screaming from behind the windshield of the bus, as they watch the line of Maximas in growing anticipation.

Juggernaut: “DO IT, MAN, DO IT!!!”

Andi slowly draws his finger nearer to the button, closer,….closer, ….closer – and then – he pushes it.

The moment that the button is completely depressed, the air is pierced by a deafening *BOOM*. Simultaneously, the MaximaMafia’s cars explode!! The members of the Mafia dive onto the deck and cover their heads. Like a scene in a Bruce Willis action movie, all of the cars BURST into flames. The shock wave from the explosion implodes windows on several store fronts across the street.

The force of the explosion lifts several of the cars completely off the ground. Metal and glass shrapnel goes flying into the air in every direction. Hunks of headlights and sheet metal are pelting the windshield of the bus as the Jambytes look on in sheer glee. Members of the MaximaMafia are being cut by the flying bits of glass. JustinMc takes a flying hunk of Dunlop to the head. He’s knocked cold.

Five seconds later, its all over. The air is eerily silent. All that remains of the once pristine row of polished Maximas is twisted metal and the smell of burned rubber. The intense heat created by the explosion has completely melted BrianW’s Saturn. All that’s left is a molten pile of burgundy red paint and some bits of the interior.

The MaximaMafia members scramble to their feet, still in shock, they are completely speechless. Aside from cuts and scrapes, and an unconscious JustinMc, they’re largely unhurt. Unless you count the damage to their pride, having just seen their cars get blow to bits.

There is nothing left of the Maximas. The park is littered with Maxima debris. There are about 7 or 8 tan leather seats in the middle of the baseball diamond some 200 feet away – blown there by the explosion. The parking lot is littered with windshield wipers, hub caps and bits of Bose speaker covers. Lighter pieces from the cars are raining down onto the ground like hail stones. Shing looks down, and right at his feet is the “Y” section from his Stillen y-pipe. He nearly breaks down and cries.

The neighborhood has fallen into pin-drop silence as the force and reverberation of the explosion could be felt rocking buildings over a block away. Though its only been a matter of seconds, emergency vehicle sirens can already be heard wailing away in the background.

Back on the chartered Trailways bus, the Jambytes are falling all over themselves in laughter. Eben jumps down into the doorway and slaps Andi a massive high five. The bus is absolutely rocking! A chant of “ANN-DEE, ANN-DEE” can be heard from outside in the parking lot. Hantra, CraigB and JJW95SC are standing in front of the windshield flipping off and taunting the stunned MaximaMafia.

Jambo (hearing the approaching sirens): “Say, you hear that? We’d better get out of here.”

Jambo jumps behind the wheel of the bus, which is still running, and starts to put it into gear. He can’t close the door however, because Andi is still standing there.

Jambo: “C’mon man, move! We’ve got to beat it.”

Andi shouts out to his (former) colleagues: “SO LONG, SUCKERS!!!”

With that, Andi disappears back into the bowls of the bus as Jambo pulls the lever and closes the door. With a loud hiss, he slams it into gear and they Jambytes roll. The MaxmiaMafia is still just standing around, in stunned disbelief.

JasonF: “What the…. What just happened?”





...imagine a profile photograph of a modded Pebble Beige Max. A long description of everything that I've done to it (including the MT-90 tranmission oil upgrade), and some witty reference to AStBBST here. And there you have my sig. Proverbs 3:5 - "Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."


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