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Subject: ROADKILLED!! a M5
Posted By: Booker - Jr. Consultant
Posted At: (10/3/00 12:35:57 pm)
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Yes, it really did happen. I basically tore a brand spanking new, 2000 BMW M5 a new @$$#%*! It was great! I was rolling down San Tomas Expressway this morning, on my way into the office after a “power breakfast” in San Jose. These two kids in this low & slow Honda Civic are following me right on my bumper at 50 MPH & I was really getting ticked off. We’re about 1000 feet from the intersection at 1st Avenue when the light turns yellow. I’m in the middle lane and start decelerating. There’s some SUV in the right lane ahead and already stopped at the light is some BMW in the left lane. As I get closer I see four exhaust pipes…..it’s a M5! Holy smokes that’s one nice looking car. Classy, yet aggressive. Has to be the best looking sports sedan in history.

Anyway, I nose up and look over, mostly in admiration. I have NO intention of instigating against this thing – why have the guy waste his fuel? I’m checking this gorgeous piece of machinery out, and all of a sudden the guy revs at me. I couldn’t believe it. What does he think I’m driving?? I look straight ahead and ignore the rev. He does it again – twice! He really wants to get it on. So I figure, ok, death be not proud – I’ll run him.

I anticipate the light perfectly and get an awesome launch on green. I leap out of the hole and instantly open a half car length on my way to red line in 1st. As I clutch and grab second, I’m expecting to hear a hellishus engine roar, followed by the sound of rushing wind, as this racecar in drag blows by me. During my clutch, he manages to bring his bumper even with my door. I stab second and mash it and re-open the half car length. Then a car length. OMG, I’m beating a M5!!!! Top of second and he’s now nearly two car lengths behind. This is unreal!

Before I can grab third, the next light turns yellow & we both brake. I pull up to the next stop line a few seconds before he does. Here he comes. He revs again. I look over. He holds up the index finger on his right hand and mouths, “One more time?”. I nod my approval of the plan and get ready. The low & slow Honda finally pulls up behind me.

The light turns green and I again win the hole shot. This time I hold first all the way to the rev limiter, keep my right foot planted as I clutch and slam second. I let the clutch out hard and release a blood-curdling screech from the front tires. While clutching, I checked my side view mirror and see that he’s nearly a full car length behind! I can’t believe this. After what seemed like an hour of squealing, the front wheels finally find some traction and hook up. The Max bolts ahead like a rocket sled on rails. I still haven’t seen the BMW out of my left peripheral vision, so he’s back there somewhere.

At 5000 RPMs in second, I check the side view. I can see all four of his headlights! That means he’s at least two car lengths back! I’m crushing him!!! Woooohooooo! I grab third and floor it, the Stillen WAILS and I open another car length before having to shut down for the next light. To say the least, I totally dusted that Bavarian pose machine.

A full ten seconds after I’ve come to a stop at the next light, he rolls up – looking VERY unhappy at the performance characteristics of his rolling house payment. Needless to say, I am VERY pleased with the performance of my girl.

Five seconds after he pulls up, up comes the Honda. The right lane is now open, so the Honda swings right and starts inching up like he wants some too. Unreal. This POS, dropped, flared and blared Civic has about a 7-inch exhaust pipe and more stickers than a Ringling Brother’s train.

The cross light turns yellow and I can see both of them bracing for war. Deciding that my superiority has already been well established, I decide to hang back this time & let the two of them have a go.

Green. Both of them spin like crazy off the line. Real launch masters, these two. Strangely enough, they both hook up at the same time about half way through the intersection. Mind you, I’m watching all this from behind, having launched like an ordinary human being. I’ve got great front row seats, right on the fifty yard line.

The second they hook up the Civic tears out front with the M5 in pursuit. The Honda opens a car length on him, that nasty 7 inch chromed tip blaring like a damned tuba or something. I maintain distance and watch as the Honda leaves the Bimmer behind. Two, three, four car lengths! He’s practically sucking that M5 right up that oversized tail pipe! The next light comes up in about a third of a mile and the Honda is close to five car lengths out front! They shut down at the red light at 5th Ave.

Still flanking me on the right & left, I roll up to the light and put down my passenger window. I say to the Honda driver (who, incidentally, had three other guys in his car – all offensive linemen for Santa Clara U.), “Man that thing’s quick?? What sort of mods you run’n?”. Then the guy really floors me…. “Except for the exhaust tip, Eibachs and these 20 inch Momo’s, its completely stock.”

!!!!!!WTF?????????

This kid is running 20 inch chrome Momo’s, they must weigh 60 lbs each at least.

So anyway, the point of all this is – don’t believe everything that you hear, b/c those new M5’s really aren’t all that fast. From what I saw, I’d say they’re good for about an 18 second quarter.

I know that some of you will doubt this story, and that’s fine. I was there, I saw it with my own two eyes. So flame away and call me a liar if you want, I know what happened.



That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.



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          Event #5 - Part 4 Booker 10/3/00 12:57:06 pm
          Event #5 - Conclusion Booker 10/3/00 12:53:41 pm
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