| Subject: Attn: Jsolo ---> You asked for it. |
Author: Booker (spider-to051.proxy.aol.com)
Date: 07-16-1999 10:44
Since buying the T/A, Russell has been feeling uneasily left out by the guys on the BBS. Just seems like the phone doesn't ring as often and he's not included in activities as much anymore. Ever since the flame war with Andi a few days after Maxus, well, what's a guy to do - disagreements happen. So tonight, Russ is paling around with his one good buddy from the BBS, Shing. Shing doesn't seem to care what he drives, and has vowed to defend his friend to the very end if need be. They're heading down the avenue in the T/A, looking for a fight.
What Shing knows, that Russ does not, is that the Maxima boys were getting together at Andi's place this very night, for some pizza and brews. Shing is guarding his words very carefully, so as not to tip his friend off and have his feelings get damaged.
Russ: "So work was a bear this week, huh?"
Shing: "Brutal"
Russ: "Yeh, I hear ya. You hungry at all?"
Shing: "Yeh. We should swing over to…."
Russ: "To where?"
Shing: "Uh, never mind. I'm not that hungry anyway."
Russ: "What a dead night man. We can't buy a race out here."
Shing: "No kidding. Man I bet they're partying it up at…"
Russ: "WHO? WHERE?? You're not telling me something bro. Out with it!"
Reluctantly, Shing shares with his friend news of the Maxima-owners only party taking place at Andi's.
Russ: "WHAT!! Why those $#%# 's. I say we bum rush the place, go in there and kick some @$$! What'd ya say? You down for some rumbling tonight?"
Shing: "Hey, you know I'm in baby! I've been wanting a piece of that no-jumpshot shoot'n, vetical-leap-less, weak-defense Eben for months! First thing I'll do is put a thump'n on his butt! You just get us there & follow my lead baby!"
With that, Russ drops it into 3rd and they tear off in the direction of Andi B's.
Meanwhile at Andi's, the gang is all gathered & they are in full party mode. Engulfed in a thrilling game a charades - THESE guys know how to it. Nightrider is standing up in the front of the living room trying to act out Apocalypse Now. The rest of the crew is seated on the floor in front of him. Suddenly, the door to the room flys open as Shing, followed by Russ, enter.
Booker: "Hey Shing! What's happening man?"
Shing: "Russ and I are here to bury the hatchet."
Romping towards the center of the room, Russ close behind, Shing spies a half empty bottle of Barcardi 151 and grabs it.
Shing: "Here Eben, old pal."
With that he pours Eben a snort. While Eben is busy with the glass of rum, Shing tosses his head back and holds the bottle upside down over his mouth. The rest of its contents drain into his mouth. Russ is watching with amazement. Once empty, he returns his stare to Eben. Its obvious by the fact that his cheeks are puffed out like Louie Armstrong's, that Shing has not swallowed the liquid. He reaches into his pants pocket and produces a nickel plated Zippo lighter. He extends his arm directly towards Eben, placing the lighter about three feet from Eben's face. Glaring at Eben, Shing then thumbs the flint and the yellow glow of its butane flame can be seen just above his knuckles. His senses somewhat dimmed by the beer and booze, Eben does not immediately realize what's happening. Other guys, however, are quite certain & begin diving for cover. Maximamike jumps behind the Lazy-boy, JSOLO, Remington and Keven all bolt for the kitchen door. Finally, Eben catches on.
Eben: "No! Nooooo!!!"
Too late. With lungs that have been strengthened from breathing the heavy south Texas air, Shing blows the rum into the flame, directly at Eben. On contact with the Zippo, the liquid immediately ignites into a fire ball, completely engulfing the startled Eben.
Springing into action, Keven has already grabbed the fire extinguisher on Andi's refrigerator & is headed Eden's way. He douses him. The fire retardant hits Eben, and the flames immediately disappear. Eben however, is a sight. The hair on his knuckles, hands and arms is gone. Eyebrows - gone. Eyelashes - gone. Smoke is pouring skyward from the top of his head.
The room EXPLODES into laughter. Guys are pointing at Eben and falling out all over the place. Woodear starts out trying to help Eben to his feet, but is just laughing too hard to be of any assistance. JJW is slapping his knee so hard with laughter, he fractures his hand. Gr8bone is rolling around on the floor, holding his stomach and pleading for mercy. Killermove has all together lost it. From his perch in a kitchen window sill, he has perfect view of the dazed Eben sitting there with a smoldering mustache. Killermove has simply bailed out the window, laughing so hard he pukes his dinner into Andi's rose bushes. The room is HOWLING.
A minute later, Andi's wife comes bounding downstairs to see what all the commotion is. Sensing its time to beat it, Shing and Russ make a move for the front door & exit stage left. Andi's wife, seeing 12 guys rolling around on the floor crying with laughter, is aghast. She spies the empty bottle of rum in the middle of the room and then smells the odor of burnt hair. She is not amused.
Andi's Wife: "WHAT THE #$^%* IS GOING ON DOWN HERE!?!"
(pin drop silence)
Andi's Wife: "You knuckleheads knock this off right now! You'll NEVER be invited to this house again!"
With that she spins and heads back up the stairs. The festive mood in the room is now completely dead (women, especially wives, have a way of doing that). For some reason, Jambo takes it upon himself to start defending Eben, and begins blaming the whole affair on Andi. Holding his day-planner, he begins waving and pointing it right in Andi's face.
Jambo (screaming at Andi): "You @$$^#@!! This is all your fault! If you wouldn't have started that flame war with Russell about drag racing as Maxus - none of this would have happened! Eben could be seriously hurt!"
Andi: "But I…"
Jambo (cutting him off): "SHUT UP! I hope that Eben sues you for everything you own! Look at that poor sap over there."
Jambo points at the still startled Eben, seated on the floor. His skin has begun to turn bright pink from the second degree burns.
Jambo: "I hope he does sue you. I took some law classes you know. When you invite somebody over to your house, you're supposed to take reasonable precautions to…."
Andi has had enough. Wearing Durango cowboy boots, he lifts his knee into the air and drives the heel of his boot down into Jambo's toes - HARD. Jambo lets out a terrific roar.
Jambo: "OOOOWWWWW!!!!"
While Jambo's mouth is open wide screaming, Andi grabs his day planner and shoves it into his gaping maw. He crams so far down his throat that only the bottom of the zipper is showing.
A second time the room ERUPTS into riotous laughter. Even the singed Eben is wailing in laughter. Guys are laughing so hard that the house is literally shaking. This time Loren can't take it. The sight of Jambo standing there with a leather day planner sticking out of his trap is more than he can stand. Loren falls off of the counter top he's perched on and is busting a gut on the cold linoleum. His boy Hector attempts to help him up, but is laughing so hard himself that he falls in a heap on top of his friend.
Wizeguy, being the wizeguy that he is, manages to get to his feet to deliver a zinger.
Wizeguy (choking back tears of laughter): "Hey Jambo,… on behalf of all the guys here, I'd just like to say that…..YOU'RE HIRED!"
HAAAAA!!! The entire joint falls out. Mike S is screaming for mercy - his guts are killing him. Suddenly - you know who comes THUNDERING down the steps.
Andi's Wife: "OK OUT! ALL OF YOU!! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!"
She heads for the kitchen, grabs a rolling pin and starts swinging, narrowly missing Jim95SC/SE. He BOLTS out the door, followed closely by the rest of the crew. Unfortunately, Froman isn't quite quick enough & takes one in the back of the head.
Froman (still running and holding his head): "OUCH!! Damn, woman!"
Andi's Wife: "There's plenty more where that one came from!"
The house is now empty, except for Andi, Mrs. B, an empty 12 pack, and the smell of burnt hair.
Andi's Wife: "And YOU come upstairs and fix this shelf in the bathroom - right now!"
Andi: "Yes, dear."
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